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Irish bookmaker Paddy Power had to pay out more than $75,000 to gamblers today because of Barack Obama's long-odds victory in the Iowa primary. Apparently, they hadn't seen the film "Passenger 57," whose wisdom, as everyone well knows, tells us to always bet on black. Or, in this case, the best approximation available.

In surprising news, today a Columbian Bullfighter was gored by a bull. File that one under the category of "asking for it." I mean, did you see what he was wearing?

I hope everyone has had a happy holiday. This magical time reminds us just how miserable our lives are the rest of the year...

Tony Blair, former British Prime Minister, converted to catholicism today, which served as a stark reminder that I squarely could not possibly give less of a shit.

So Mitt Romney, GOP presidential candidate and prolific consumer of hair gel, in response to a criticism of Mormonism as being exclusionary of african americans, claimed last weekend that he saw his father "march with Martin Luther King, Jr." But when experts came forward to dispute the event ever happened, Romney responded that it was "just a figure of speech." You know, like "the cat's got your tongue." "My dad marched with Martin Luther King, Jr." - I use that one all the time myself.

I don't know about you, but I was taken completely by surprise when I heard that, after 7 years of separation, Eddie Van Halen and Valerie Bertinelli got divorced today. Who could see that coming? They seemed like the perfect separated couple. I guess I'll have to pin all of my hopes and dreams on Pamela Anderson and whoever she's married to this week.

Okay, um, Lynne (mom to Britney "Meltdown" and Jamie Lynn "Teen Statistic") Spears is writing a book on parenting. That's like Hitler writing a book on manners. Or like George W. Bush writing a complete sentence.